Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
