Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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