Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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