I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
