I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
