Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
God, I missed his penis.
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