She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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