took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
