my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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