Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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