He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
