Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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