i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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