i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
