gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
