she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
