So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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