Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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