eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
