Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
