the condom got lost in my hair
home. puking in laundry basket.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
