I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
