he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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