he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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