mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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