I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
