dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
