Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
