My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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