I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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