I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
