Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
