# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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