im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
