dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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