You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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