We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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