Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
