So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
