yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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