I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
