DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
