You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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