Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
