I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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