I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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