Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
