i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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