just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
