Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
