She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
