We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
