Tell her she can't have a vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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