What a fucking waste of an outfit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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