If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
