Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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