what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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