There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize