You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
