Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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