Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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