if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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