I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
