how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
