He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
