It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
