this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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