Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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