Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
