Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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