i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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