and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
