A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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