i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
