I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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