I got chris browned last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
