so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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