i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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